Primate Review: The moment Primate opened with the most obvious horror-movie setup imaginable, “Dad’s gone, house to ourselves, let’s party” — I knew what kind of ride I was in for. And honestly? I was fine with it.
This is a slasher flick wearing a chimpanzee mask. No depth. No big ideas. Just a house chimp with rabies going absolutely feral on a group of girls who wanted to get white-girl wasted for the weekend. That’s the movie. If that sentence made you smile even a little, you’re already halfway in.
Johannes Roberts directs this, and yeah, I’ve seen most of his work: 47 Meters Down, The Strangers: Prey at Night, Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City. Weirdly enough, this might be my favorite thing he’s done. Not because it’s good-good, but because it doesn’t pretend to be anything else.
My Rating: 3.0/5
| Detail | Information |
|---|---|
| Movie Title | Primate |
| Genre | Horror / Slasher |
| Director | Johannes Roberts |
| Runtime | Approx. 1h 29m |
| Language | English |
| Cast | Johnny Sequoyah, Jess Alexander, Troy Kotsur |
| Tone | Gory, tense, trope-heavy |
The Setup Is Pure Horror Cliché — And That’s the Point
The film wastes no time pretending it’s clever. The family owns a chimp. Chimp gets rabies. Girls invite friends over. The party starts. Monkey snaps.
From the jump, I was clocking tropes like I was checking off a bingo card, and I didn’t mind. It’s comfort food horror. You know it’s going to end badly, and you’re kind of excited to see how.
What surprised me was that Primate actually builds tension in places. The stalking scenes work. The “don’t move, maybe it won’t see us” moments are effective. There are stretches where the movie understands suspense better than I expected.
Then it starts ripping things off. There’s a full-on Scream homage where a character is trapped in a car while the killer messes with the locks, except here, it’s a chimp trying to open the door. It’s not even subtle. It’s less “inspired by” and more “yeah, we’re doing that scene.” Still… I didn’t hate it.
When the Movie Starts Falling Apart
The cracks really show once logic starts taking a vacation. There’s a whole section where everyone jumps into a swimming pool because, apparently, the chimp can’t swim. And suddenly the movie just… stops. Everyone’s floating. Waiting. Killing time. The tension evaporates. It felt like the script hit pause because it needed to justify why they don’t just run away.
Then there’s the strength issue. Chimps are terrifyingly strong. Like, “tear your face off” strong. And yet we’ve got an 85-pound girl holding a door handle while this thing struggles like it’s locked behind plot armor. There’s a door handle so long and oddly shaped it honestly looks custom-built for a horror movie involving a chimp.
That kind of stuff pulls you out of it, especially when the movie wants you to believe this animal is an unstoppable killing machine five minutes earlier.
The Kills: Disturbing, Mean, and Effective
This is where Primate earns its keep. The kills aren’t constant, but when they happen, they’re nasty. Not overly bloody, but unsettling in that “I kind of wish I hadn’t seen that” way. The most shocking kill happens very early, maybe too early. It honestly felt like the movie peaked right out of the gate.
What really helps is the use of practical effects. The chimp is mostly animatronic, and while you can tell sometimes, it adds to the discomfort. We’re so used to glossy CGI creatures that this grimy, slightly off-looking chimp feels wrong in the best way. It’s not War for the Planet of the Apes. It doesn’t need to be. The rough edges actually work here.
The Biggest Problem: No One to Root For
This is where the movie loses me. There’s no real lead. No final girl energy. No character I latched onto and thought, “Okay, I want you to make it.” Every time someone popped up on screen, I was genuinely asking myself, “Wait… who is this again?”
By the time people started dying, I didn’t care who lived or who didn’t. And that’s a problem unless you’re fully committing to grindhouse chaos, which Primate doesn’t quite do.
Ironically, the audience experience saved the movie a bit for me. People were reacting. Laughing. Groaning. Wincing. It played way better as a shared, slightly drunk crowd experience than as a serious sit-down watch.
Also Read: Top 5 TV Shows Like Stranger Things That Will Keep You Awake All Night
Good & Bad In Primate
| What Works | What Doesn’t |
|---|---|
| Gory, unsettling kills that actually land | No memorable lead character |
| Solid tension in stalking scenes | Logic collapses when it’s inconvenient |
| Practical effects add discomfort | Power levels make zero sense |
| Knows it’s a dumb slasher | The Movie peaks way too early |
| Fun crowd-watch experience | The Middle section drags hard |
Final Thoughts On Primate
Look, Primate isn’t a “good” movie in the traditional sense. It’s shallow. It’s dumb. It’s stitched together from horror clichés you’ve seen a hundred times.
But if you’re a gorehound? If you’ve got old Fangoria magazines stacked somewhere? If you’re the kind of person who watches slashers for creative kills and not character arcs, this movie delivers exactly what you’re looking for.
Honestly, it’s probably better if you’re a little drunk. So yeah, Primate. Not for everyone. Not for me, really. But if you’re here for gnarly kills and don’t care who’s screaming? You’ll have a decent time. If you’ve seen it, jump into the comments. Did it work for you, or did that chimp test your patience?
